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December 11th, 2011

09:10 am
I've had this thing for years.

I think about deletion, but I can never pull the trigger. I guess I feel like it might be the only record of a pretty long and intense period of my life. Generally, I'm excited about forgetting, but it's nice to know I can back out of that willful oblivion if I so choose.

So, a couple times a year, I stagger back here and fill the few of you still around in with regards to what's going on with me. It's a nice exercise. Boiling six months to a year down into salient points. I always wish there were more points, though.

The list:
- Remained single for a whole year. Don't really know if I'm cut out to be in a relationship. I'm happiest alone, really. I can barely maintain friendships, much less love someone. Nothing new, there. You all probably know that already. I think it's cool that the people on my lj friends list, of all places, probably know considerably more about me than anyone else in the world.

- Worked my ass off, as usual. Still at the shop, of course. It kind of annoys me. I feel like there is plenty of potential for growth and doing something really interesting there, but we're just not grabbing it. I feel like it should be my job to energize that business, but I don't know if I can.

- New band. Yeah yeah yeah. I have a lot of trouble being optimistic about playing music, because it never works out for me. The songs are good, and I feel like I'm playing cool parts. But, you know, to be in a band, you have to deal with other people. In that spirit, I'm bringing my drum machine home, buying a bass, and starting my own damn bedroom band.

- Still doing the leather tooling thing. This winter, I'll be launching a little micro-business, on etsy. Hoping it shores up my finances slightly. I'll post about it here, when I start selling. You might like to buy something.

- Still working on that zine. Got held up quite a bit. It'll happen, though.

- This was a cancer year for me. My mom had a tumor, which was removed safely. My dog does as well. It was not removed safely. I'm having a hard time dealing with that fact.

- In my ever increasing need to make something tangible, I started doing linoleum prints. Nothing too exciting yet, but it is fun.

- I'll be selling a bunch of bike stuff on ebay this january.

- I live with a couple, and sometimes I feel like I'm under siege. Which was also the first R rated movie I saw in a theater. The first one I saw period, was Blood Sport.

- One thing I find troubling is how concerned many of my friends are with the amount that they drink. I am troubled because I don't feel the same way. I can't decide if that is problematic, or not. This is not a cry for help. But, if it looks like I'm falling apart in a real way, let me know.

- I am most excited when everything is fucked up. Feels like there could always be some grand revolution in our lives (not talking about occupy or anything, just "our" lives). Something better rising out of the ashes. Most of the time, something more damaged crawls out of the ashes, but that is ok, too.

- Glad I managed to not be a regular adult. I went out for coffee with a girl who is by all accounts very normal. I could not relate in any way. I will associate with punks and weirdos only, from now on.

I always feel inspired by these posts. It's just about the only time I talk about myself. Feel lighter.

Everyone that reads this: I would like to hang out with you. Send me an email or otherwise contact me, if you feel the same way. My email is surfcombat84 @ skynet.com gmayle. (spell it right, LJ spambots are cunning!)

Alright, folks. See you when I see you.

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March 17th, 2011

11:55 pm
sigh. Let me tell you a story

Boy hangs out with rad girl most days in a week.
Boy finds girl attractive, charming, and fun. Boy would like nothing better than to makeout with Girl.
Boy is under impression that nothing will happen because girl is in serious, long term, thing with dude who, while not a friend of Boy's, seems to be alright.
Girl tell's boy he should come back to her place, for obvious reasons (boy is devilishly attractive and charming, to boot).
Boy, while into the idea, has a bout of moralizing, even though Boy historically has nothing but the most lax morals.
Girl explains to Boy that he shouldn't worry about it, as relationship is open, and they are still just friends.
Boy ends of on livejournal, wondering why he is on livejournal, and not elsewhere (with sexy results)

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March 4th, 2011

01:28 am - Plans
Since I'm basically trying to re-structure my entire life to be...worth living, outlined below are some plans of variable specificity and practicality. Feedback? Would appreciate.

I want to be at least a little more financially stable, and I don't want to leave my current job for a while. So, I need to fill in dead time with things I both a.) care about and b.) make money.
To that end, I will start to write some little ebooks, and sell those in various venues. I see these as being ~50 pages each, with pictures, black and white or color, and selling for 5-15 bucks a pop.

Realistic bicycle maintainence- Real world, factual bike fixin focused on commuters. This is a gap in the how-to field, and one I think I could fill.
A book on wheel building- I'd like to make a synthesis of all the various wheelbuilding sources I've come across, and present something of a concise historiography. Sort of find the middle ground between hair splitting engineering and voodoo magic.
The budget touring book- I mentioned this before, and have some written.
Realistic bicycle commuting- I'm sick of the "bike culture" view of commuting being best served by pretending we're all euros. Frankly, faux hawks and dutch bikes are boring and un-patriotic.

Hard goods-
Long term- build frames. I have a pretty solid idea about how I'd like to do this, but it is still a couple years, maybe one, in the offing, realistically.
short term- I have a design for a relatively inexpensive, simple, truing stand. Going to be prototyping this soon, next paycheck, and would like to offer them for ~60 bucks.
budget panniers, recycled.- If i can score decent military surplus bags, this couple be real, too. But it would be a hunt/crapshoot.

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January 19th, 2011

05:48 pm - Back in the saddle?
It's been a very long time, lj.

Why am I back? Good question. Today, for the first time in a very long time, I recieved a comment via email. I miss this place. It was nice having a place to put my thoughts down that wasn't (another fucking) sad white boy perzine. I started one, too! You can't read it. It joined the remains of so many cigarettes in my ash tray.

My last entry was doom and gloom. Do I still feel like that? Sometimes. A lot of the time, even. Am I in a better place, now? You bet.

Let's see, by way of a cliff notes history of the last year or so:
-Had the best relationship of my life, so far, with someone i have known for a long time. It wasn't all perfect, but it was largely positive. It is now (officially, anyway) ended. We'll see where things progress.
-I still work at the same bike shop. I now make enough money to eat regularly and sometimes do things.
-I traveled a bit this year. Kansas City a couple times, and Portland once. And some local trips.
-In four days, I leave for a framebuilding class. Today I did a lot to secure shop space for when I return.
-Kind of stopped trying to be in bands. Seems to only sap away my energy and positivity, with little payoff ('cept when it does)
-Recently started tooling leather, like some kind of cowboy. It is nice to have a hobby I can do at home.
-Decided to start fishing more this year. Will take at least one combined bike tour/fly fishing trip this summer.
-I've been working on a little book. Going to self publish a little manual on cheap and accessible bike touring. Might turn into a regular thing. Hoping to finish this by March.
-As a life idea: I want to be able to do a lot of little things I enjoy and can sell to make ends meet. I keep hearing my friends hate their lives because they have "real" jobs. I feel like I'm finally willing to admit to myself I made a lot of right choices, by not choosing that.
-Trying to be less self destructive. At least in the bad, emotional ways. Chemical use is science, and science is punk.
-still punk

It is going to be really interesting to see who is still around, and if anyone reads this.
Current Music: Gun Club- Fire of Love

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December 31st, 2009

06:18 pm
year end update, i suppose.

total bummer self important horseshit below cut

Read more...Collapse )
Current Music: black flag- black coffee

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November 2nd, 2009

04:18 pm
sorta still alive.

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August 19th, 2009

05:22 pm
84 miles today. Felt good.

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August 11th, 2009

07:07 pm
i don't have anything of substance to report.

Depaul decided i didn't graduate, so i'm a fake college grad. i'm sick of telling the story.

Also, largely sick of hitting shift, evidently.

built a new wheelset last night. It's nothing too exciting, but it's very strong. Happy with it.

promoted at work. almost proud of myself.

foot is healed.

fuck man, i don't know. taking a long ride tomorrow.

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July 25th, 2009

01:13 am
tonight was a multi-hour charlie brown moment.

I'm drunk and one eying the keyboard,so maybe i'll write more later,but you know man,

fuck my life.

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July 22nd, 2009

10:53 am - What have I been doing with/to myself
Got my boot off. I can walk and ride a bike semi normally again. I lost another ten pounds this summer. I also lost all my fitness, which is a bummer.

Got semi-promoted at work. Hopefully this all works out for the best and I get a raise and year round employment. Fingers crossed.

Learning to sew, kind of excited about making outdoorsy type stuff. I'm a weird fit, so having a light rainshell that fits will be nice. Also, a nice light tent that doesn't cost five hundred dollars.

Yesterday was new bike day, too. Pictures to follow, I'm sure. Old gitane, three speed, full fenders and a rack. It's nice, suffice to say. Amazing what you can do for 200 bucks when you're a bike mechanic.

Hopefully band stuff picks up again.

Not a whole lot to report. New apartment. Lincoln square area. Let me know if you want to hit up cardinal liquors.
Current Music: Annihilation Time - II

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